5 Years Later

 

Teen Post by Nilani Chandradeva - http://wheninhospital.blogspot.co.uk/

 

This blog is for all the people who have lost what it is to feel "normal" after cancer treatment. Feeling normal is something you expect once treatment has ended, but that instant recovery is not always what you get. 

 

 Normality doesn't exist until it has been lost and craved for. It is something that you can't create again, it is something that comes with time and patience. In my experience, there is nothing you can do to fall back into it any quicker. You slip back into it without realising; you start to live.

After I finished my treatment I threw myself back into the world and everything it had to offer me. I was determined to not let cancer deter me, if anything it motivated more and more to achieve my goals. And this worked for a long time. I used cancer to fuel myself to work harder in all aspects of life. However, after a while, this became exhausting. It is so difficult to be driven by your worst experiences and constantly trying to see the good in all of them. Personally, I found it put pressure on me to be the "best cancer survivor". This meant having my whole life inspired by cancer, which is again, very exhausting. I'm not saying that I have come out of the cancer experience without being influenced by it at all, that would be a lie, it has definitely influenced the decisions I make and the person I am. But it is definitely not WHO I am. This is really important- once you start to find out who you really are, what your interests are and what you stand for- your past doesn't cling on to you. You become your own person and it is the best thing ever.

 If there has ever been a series of peaks and troughs in my life, then it was after my cancer treatment. For me, this struggle with my emotions and identity went on for 4 years. Change was the most important thing for me because it was a change that came at exactly the right time. I had spent enough time trying overcome my emotions or let myself be occupied by cancer and this had not worked. I think I only really started to feel normal again when I didn't try so consciously and only focused on what I was truly interested in. For me, this change was brought about by university. University brought along its own challenges, but I think these are ones that every student goes through. Really, it was quite satisfying to have normal challenges and problems that your friends can relate to! At first, being thrown into an environment where nobody knew about the cancer was really hard. I didn't know how to explain my sensitivity to people- something which was heightened by my experiences with cancer- and often found myself falling into the mind-set of "Well if only they knew about the cancer...that is why what x said made me feel upset." One time t my friend told me to toughen up when I was sensitive about something she had said. This made me so angry! She had no idea what truly had upset me but I didn't want to explain it her either. This would just create sympathy. Instead, I listened to her, I toughened up and this made everything easier. I dealt with it like anyone would if a petty comment had upset them. At the same time, I was enjoying my degree and the social life and learning how to create a small distance from my emotions which meant that they didn't overpower me. Days, weeks and months went by and all this time I had just been being myself. I had been normal. I only realised much later, actually when I went to a hospital appointment which is something that I usually get very upset or frustrated about. This time, that didn't happen. I just had a conversation with my doctor about how I had been doing, and it was then that I had realised I had been doing really well!

I truly know how it feels when it seems like the world has been taken away from you and you don't know how to fit in again. I just want those of you out there who are recovering from cancer to know that cancer in no way defines you. It is an experience and like all experiences it will influence who you are and the choices you make. I am still in touch with many of the friends I made in hospital and I dearly miss the ones who didn't make it and often feel guilty that I am here when they are not. It is so important to not lets these feelings consume you, try to engage with things you love and have a genuine interest in. This will help you to grow as a person and to reconnect with who you are.

 

It's always going to be okay in the end

 

Teen Azreen talks openly about her battle with cancer, and how important it is to be proud of everything which you achieve in life.

 

Read Azreen's full blog here... http://missionpossiblefightingcancer.blogspot.co.uk/

 

"I just wanted to talk about something that had been on my mind for a long while now but I'd been refraining from.

In case you don't already know, I had been cleared of cancer back in March 2015 only to relapse again in June the same year and begin a whole new cycle of surgeries and chemotherapy. I've now been off treatment for almost 4 months.

For those that know me, you know that coming up to this year had been particularly hard knowing that the majority of people I know are... now either graduating, married and starting their families, or in their dream job. All of which I imagined myself achieving at 21. I hate to admit it but it had been the root cause of a lot of anxiety and I beat myself down a lot because of it. It took a while for me to understand, and to teach myself that although nearly everyone I know is attaining "life goals", I've learnt some pretty invaluable lessons over the past two years, the biggest lesson being learning how to be grateful for all I've got, rather than dwell on what I haven't got, live without grudges and negativity and let the people I care about know that I love them.

 Milestones for you would be, getting that promotion you've been waiting for, getting married, seeing your child take their first steps, getting your degree after years of hard work, and so on. Me, I'm achieving new milestones too. For example, cooking a meal without having to lie down from utter exhaustion, finishing a meal without the overwhelming urge to vomit, combing my hair for the first time.

... or the biggest one: realising that just because I'm not on my way to societies definition of "success", doesn't mean I'm not successful at all. I mean, I've pulled myself out of death's claws during a week in intensive care, I've beat cancer twice and I've learnt the value of life - the value of healthy lungs, functional limbs and a beating heart - it's success, just not the same as yours and just because I don't update every other day, doesn't mean I'm not kicking cancer in its teeth everyday.

Finally, for anyone like me out there that's watching everyone they know achieve the things they thought they'd be achieving by now. Stop beating yourself up. You're not a failure. You have amazing things planned for you, and you're going to do them, and you're going to be proud of yourself, and you're going to love you.

It's always going to be okay in the end."

 

 

 

Teen Tommy wins Outstanding Bravery award for his courageousness throughout his battle with cancer

 

 

We are so proud to announce that Tommy, a young person who has been supported by Teens Unite throughout his battle, has deservingly won the Outstanding Bravery award at the London Children of Courage Awards.

Take a read of his inspirational story below, which has been courageously written by his mum Karen.

Well done Tommy!



"Tommy said he had an earache on Sunday 16th November 2014. He very rarely complained about anything and had always been a well child with 100% attendance at school. So when he woke up on Monday 17th morning and said it still hurt I thought I'd take him to the GP to get it checked. We managed to get an appointment so went to get his ear looked at. The doctor looked at his ear and said it was fine, but remarked that he looked a bit pale. So wanted to send us for a routine blood test as he thought he was probably anaemic. I remember thinking that he probably was because I have always suffered with anaemia. So we left the GP surgery and went straight to hospital for a blood test. I received a phone call from the GP saying that I needed to go to hospital to get his results, I asked why he couldn't tell me over the phone, and he said the doctor at the hospital wanted to explain the results to me. I said is he anaemic and he said surprisingly not! So then I asked again, well what is it? He said there is an abnormality in the blood and they needed to speak to me, and that we should go to the hospital ASAP. I then Google searched abnormality in the blood and it came back saying leukaemia, and I shook my head telling myself off for searching it as it couldn't possibly be that because he is not ill, nor tired or covered in bruises, which is what I associated with leukaemia.


 

 

After about fifteen minutes the doctor came in and started checking him all over, and I asked what she was looking for, she said she was just checking him over. I said what are you looking for, what results have you got to tell me? With that she sat on the floor and put her hands on mine and Tommy's knees and said I am checking your son for leukaemia! We both screamed, Tommy's initial reaction was “I'm going to die!” And was just screaming and really frightened, I just kept shouting you are wrong, he is not even ill, I hated her! How could she tell me this, he only had an earache (which had now gone!) I don't remember much else and somehow I must have left Tommy as I had to call Andy. I told him over the phone that he had leukaemia! I was just screaming. I don't remember much else! Everything seemed a blur! I said to the doctor you must have made a mistake, could it just be an infection, she said I hope I am wrong! I couldn't believe this was happening, he had an earache! Not cancer! Tommy was really quiet and kept crying and I kept reassuring him that he was going to be fine, even though underneath I was in bits, crumbling at the thought of my miracle baby boy (our 3rd attempt of IVF) had cancer!



We were then transferred to UCLH hospital and had doctors, nurses, specialist all round us, in a private room on an amazing ward. But I didn't want to talk to anyone. We shouldn't be here! They must be wrong! We were told his plan of treatment and that they would be doing a lumber punch to check his bone marrow, and various tests followed by chemotherapy! This was my little boy, he was scared, I felt sick with worry and we didn't know what lied ahead. We knew we had to stay in hospital for at least two weeks, which was awful, not being at home, not being able to be a family. The things you take for granted suddenly are gone, I couldn't even think about Jack and Gracie at this point I couldn't leave Tommy I just sat holding his hand and stroking his face, crying under my breath. I don't remember about the days that followed this, lots of doctors seeing him, nurses in and out, my phone ringing every few minutes as the news filtered through to family and friends. As the days all become one, we realised that life would never be the same again. I remember the doctor saying that you give us three years of your life and we will give you the rest of your life back! (3 years of treatment! ) 
 

It was all too much to take in, and the plan of treatment and all the drug regimens where explained to us. There were different blocks of treatment, the first intense block was really hard, having chemotherapy travelling backwards and forwards to London whilst he was feeling weak, and no energy. On top of this he was on steroids which affected all his muscles, he struggled to walk up the stairs or walk down the road without getting out of breath. The treatment had its ups and downs, but the hardest points were when he lost his hair, falling out on his pillow, and his face blowing up from steroids. It didn't look like Tommy, but through all of this he carried on going to school as much as he could, with us dropping him off and picking him up. There were several times when his bloods would drop and he would need urgent blood transfusions and platelet transfusions, and whenever he got a temperature he would have to be admitted to hospital for 48hrs of IV antibiotics, which again meant out family was separated. This happened several times in the first 6 months. The lowest point of it all was the weight loss, he was very thin before this started but the chemo knocked his appetite and he just couldn't eat. In April they decided he needed to have an feeding tube put in which he was so against, but deep down I knew he needed it he was so frail and looked so thin it was worrying.  
 

So we went to UCLH and had to stay in for 48hrs to get the feeds up and running, and learn how to do this ourselves. The next 3 months were the hardest time, having to encourage him to eat in between feeds, and then give his prescribed feeds at regular intervals through the day and evening, it was like a full time caring Job. I didn't realise how hard and time consuming it was juggling feeds, caring for Tommy taking him for his treatment, also caring for our other 2 children too. But though all of this journey Tommy never ever complained once about having to have treatment, and carried on going to school (within a learning mentor room) so others didn't see him. It destroyed his confidence (which he lacked before leukaemia) but not his determination and bravery. He really is an inspirational young man that I know his school friends all admire and his teachers are amazed by. But most of all Andy and I, couldn't be prouder of the young man that he has become. He was born almost 15 years ago our miracle baby, and he is now our hero.



For everyone at Teens Unite for giving Tommy confidence and some amazing opportunities that he has experienced in the last year, his journey would have been a much darker place without you in his life. Tommy still has approximately 2 years of treatment ahead of him, taking daily oral chemo tablets at home, blood test once a week and hospital visits every 6 weeks, but life is slowly getting back to some sort of normality! Although I am never complacent and every day I ask my children if they feel ok, especially Tommy. It has certainly taught us never to take life for granted, and to live laugh and love as you never know what's around the corner! Enjoy life to the full.
 

Making goals a reality and stroking people daily

 

Teen post by Melissa Dowell - http://queenofmybrokenscene.weebly.com/

  

 

"The titles a little misleading isn't it? Stay with me though because soon you'll learn just how important it is to stroke someone, preferably at least once a day.

Last week it was the reunion activity stay with my favourite charity Teens Unite, it's hard to believe that it's been 8 months since I first met all these beautiful humans and first got involved with this charity, this also means that it's been 8 months since my last chemo and time is moving way to fast.
It was nice knowing I'd be meeting up with familiar faces who've been through the same b.s and knowing what to expect and to have a break away from all the sh*t and be able to be inspired and surrounded by good company again." 

 

 

"One activity that really stood out for me was the Shine workshop led by Cliff Findlay. I'm a bit funny with motivational speakers mainly cause you can see through the sh*t they're spouting and obviously don't practice what they preach also I'm usually inspired for about 2 seconds, Also one of the most annoying things about motivational speakers is their refusal to accept failure and despite trying our hardest sometimes things just don't go our way and we can't control every aspect of our lives. I get easily distracted and bored with listening to someone ramble on about becoming the second coming of Jesus but Cliff was different, Cliff was more of a realistic speaker who recognised that while we should aspire to be who we want to be we're humans and humans can and will f**k up. I admire someone who says "hiii I've f**ked up I still have my flaws but this is what I want to do and I'm going to get there just give me 5 years" as opposed to "I'm the best flawless human in the world and everything in my life is organic and pure". 

 

"So I was faced with a 20 page booklet asking me about my goals, on the first page I was asked what age I think I'm going to die, this has always been a touchy subject despite being faced with a life threatening illness, I don't see the point predicting when I'm going to die, the thought of me dying or being dead is irrelevant to me I don't see it as a motivator for me to achieve my goals either. You could either be sat in a rocking chair comfortable knowing you've achieved all you've wanted to or you could be hit by a bus tomorrow at the ripe old age of 22 life death doesn't care about your age, so I skipped that activity and moved on to the 3 things I like about myself, why is this the hardest question we can ever be asked? Why is it easy to say three things we hate about ourselves but not what we think we're good at? Because our brain is programmed to be a little bitch and our beliefs become our thoughts which become our words which become our actions."

 

 

One of the best things Cliff taught me was everything that I can't control is bs and irrelevant opinions, for example one of my goals is to see Liverpool win the Premier League, that's bs and not because Liverpool are currently mid table but because I have no control over it, is it really a life goal, it'd be nice to experience and to tell people I was there but it's irrelevant and I wouldn't gain much from it. Another more important thing we can't control is how other people perceive us. We've all got a goal in our heads that someone doesn't approve of and we will be affected by this whether that person is important to us or an old high school friend we're affected by other peoples judgements of us and it's bs, so you don't want to upset your parents because you realise university is no longer for you, doesn't matter it's not their life or their decision, you want to travel the world but your Nan is worried about money and your safety, ask her for a tenner and say you'll call her and tell her what the weather is like.
With the release of the Panama papers this week and Donald Trump being a genuine contender to be the next US President, society is confirmed to be f**ked so we might as well have some fun and do this weird thing were we're nice to strangers and actually try and achieve what we dream of , we're all going to die anyway.

 

 

A lot of people tell us to achieve our goals but do we even know what our goals are? Goals aren't just what we want as a job when we grow up or where we want to live, they're especially not what we see on social media and comment 'goals' on. That's all a bit too broad and a bit too overwhelming, I like to think of goals as something to aim for in every aspect of our life and as the Shine booklet points out there are a lot of aspects; social, physical, spiritual, financial, mental, work, family and personal. Fill all them in and we have a lot to aim for. The next page told me to fill in an aim for every aspect of my life again this time with an emotional connection, what would make me die happy? All of a sudden I'm no longer thinking about Liverpool winning the premier league sitting in the Kop with my dad, I'm imagining meeting my deadlines reporting on Liverpool winning the premier league, sitting at Anfield on the phone typing away, because even though I can't control what Liverpool do I'm still allowed to dream about it. I'm ignoring all the sexist and misogynist comments I've had the pleasure of hearing at the football and ignoring the fact that when I had the pleasure of working behind a bar in the media room at Wembley stadium at an England game, I was the only female there surrounded by male sports journalists.

 

 

Back to the Shine workbook and now I had to narrow it down to three goals, one short term, one medium and one long and I had 5 years to achieve this, sounds a bit heavy but break your long term goal down and take it step by step and all of a sudden it's not to scary and actually quite realistic. Now bring in that you don't give a shit about other peoples opinions and what society expects of you and you're the most important person, that goal will actually be a reality.  There have been plenty of times when I've said when I grow up I want to be a writer especially in sports and I've been told its not a real job, not very realistic or what normal people do, it's not very secure or guaranteed to pay well. I've even been told I'm dyslexic so I can't do that I'm not financially motivated and does that mean that all the writers out there are aliens? Yes sometimes my dyslexia gets in the way but it only means I take longer writing something and reading over it. I also want to travel the world, 'but that's expensive' 'you won't last long on your own' 'it's not realistic'. Yes I'm a liability I'm on my 3rd phone in a year after dropping two down the toilet and actually flushing one but no one told me that means I have to stay locked up in the one city for the rest of my life and also there's this thing called saving your money, you don't spend it all and put it in a savers account and overtime you make enough money to travel somewhere, it's a magical concept I know.

 

Now comes the stroking part, aka the moment I completely lost it, if you stroke something it gets stretchy and grows (it took a good 3 minutes to stop laughing and carry on writing because of this and its 2 o clock in the morning) to be fair Cliff had a point we do grow when someone strokes us... but a stroke doesn't have to be physical, it can be something as simple as being nice and saying thank you or a little smile,a compliment can go along way, despite being on social media almost every moment of the day and thinking we know too much about that person we met pissed in a sticky club toilet, we know nothing about what;s going on in peoples lives we don't know what people are thinking what they're going through and a smile just might be the best thing they experience that day. Although a stroke a day is being a bit of a challenge for me, the same day I decided I would be nice to strangers I crossed a road to avoid talking to one of those charity people about homeless people, they are a bit full on and before I know it I'll probably be asking the bank for a loan to save all the homeless people, I'm sorry street charity stalkers you're f**king annoying and I'm to gullible for you. However I will try and be not so resting b**ch face and stroke other people with a smile.

So thank you Cliff and Teens Unite, I'm now ready to cut toxic people out my life, accept people can be knobs and not give a f**k about peoples opinions especially about me, I have my goals that I will work every day to achieve and not let things I can;t control have too much of an impact. Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to be  a sports journalist, a bs battle with cancer might have postponed me but I won't let it stop me.

You go out there and have some fun with this f**ked up society, don't be caught on the hamster wheel that is life, you be you and do whatever the f**k you want to do, I'll be rooting for you anyway."

 

 

Teens Unite Reunion Stay

Well, where do we even begin? 

On Thursday 31st of April Debbie, Lauren and Georgia from the Teens Unite team, made their way to Mill Hill School, North London for Teens Unite's first ever Reunion Stay.      

A spin off of our usual summer Activity Stay, the Reunion Stay allows young people who have previously attended a week away with us to catch up and enjoy a range of exciting activities together.

DAY 1

We got into the “swing” of things at our first activity of the week; Top Golf. After many requests from the teens to take part in this activity in previous years, we knew it had to be on the ‘To Do’ list this time.

 A huge well done to Matt N who made the high score leader board!

After working up an appetite, we made our way to Pizza Express for our Pizza Making Party. Each of the young people created their own delicious masterpiece, using a selection of tasty toppings.

 

DAY 2

We made our way to Herts Young Mariners Base for an

exciting day packed full of activities including rock climbing, archery and bell boat racing; a first time experience for many of the young people attending. The groups split into two teams which could only be Girls vs Boys!

Up first for the girls was archery, conveniently led by an instructor called Robin… After a few practice shots each it was time for a few exciting team games, finishing up with a challenge which involved popping balloons on the archery boss using their expert aim.

Whilst the girls were shooting the bulls eye, the boys were taking their turn on the climbing wall. Although this activity was challenging, it was fantastic to see so many of the young people encouraging one another as they tackled many, many obstacles including balance, strength and not to mention heights!

After lunch, the groups then hopped into their bell boats and enjoyed various games including tug of war, charades, catwalk challenge and finishing off with a classic boat race!

A huge well done to all of the young people who took part in the activities, we are incredibly proud of you all. An especially big shout out to our "Captain of the Lake" Kenny!

DAY 3

AKA..DERRY'S BIRTHDAY

After an entire morning of cruelly ignoring the fact that is was Derry's 24th Birthday, we all surprised him in the school canteen with everyone bursting into song wearing party hats, before tucking in to a big delicious chocolate cake.

Day 3 also included a Life Goals session with supporter of Teens Unite and motivational speaker; Cliff Findlay. Followed by a chilled out afternoon of mini massages and beauty makeovers by professional make-up artists who again volunteered their time to be with us.

Our incredible Reunion Stay was rounded off with our Formal Dinner on the final evening. Complete with a delicious three course meal, and our traditional awards ceremony it was an amazing experience for all.

“Thank you so much Teens Unite for organising an incredible reunion activity stay! I had the most amazing week and it was so good to see everyone again. Teens Unite you never fail to make me smile!”

  We then headed back to the house for a little after party, and we think it's probably best if read the teen's blogs to find out how that went...!

“Thank you thank you thank you to Teens Unite for what could possibly have been the most chilled, relaxed, motivational, humbled, and much needed weekend of my life. I still struggle to thank you guys enough for what you do for me and all my Teens Unite buddies but I really hope you understand how grateful I am and how much you mean to me. It is an absolute honour to have you in my life. Missing everyone incredibly already. Until next time.”

The Teen Unite Reunion Stay undoubtedly created memories which will last forever for all of the teens who attended, and we wish we could tell you everything that we got up to on those 4 days away, but we would simply be here forever.

We would like to say a huge thank you to all of the young people who made those few days incredibly special for us also. We had a huge amount of fun, and it was a pleasure to experience so many incredible and hilarious moments with you all too.

Until Reunion Stay 2017...!

Your Teen's Team,

X

 
See all of the photos from the Reunion Stay on our Facebook page.