Cancer and Relationships

Blog post from Emma, a young person battling cancer - http://emmalouisedunn.com/

 

"Hi guys, today I want to talk about cancer and relationships/friendships. I have also reached out and spoken to people who have been affected by cancer directly, or through a family member or friend and I’d like to share their thoughts throughout this post. I’ve shed a few tears writing this blog post but in a way I’m glad. I hope it comes across the way I want it too.

 

I have experienced in the past 6 years that my cancer diagnosis affects my family and friends. Sometimes, the complex feelings and lifestyle changes that are caused by cancer as well as the cancer treatment can become as overwhelming for others in my life as they are for me. It’s extremely difficult to see it that way at times. For example, when I hear important people in my life say that they need a break. People can have breaks from me, from my cancer. I live with it on my mind and in my body 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I never get a break and it makes me so upset to feel like people need a break from me. The cancer is part of me, whether I like it or not. I may have mood swings and seem like a less bubbly, more anxious and introvert version of myself but I promise, spend a little time around me and you’ll see that I’m still myself.

 

Not only does cancer affect the relationships between friendships and partners but it also has a huge affect on parents of those with cancer. Since I was diagnosed six years ago, my biological father became a total waste of space and my mum stood up to the role of mum and dad. At the age of 18 she should be waiting for me to stumble through the door at 3am drunk but instead she’s been sat by my hospital bed wondering if I’ll ever get a break from this awful disease. My mum has spent everyday since my diagnosis with me, helping me get dressed, feeding me etc. I have almost reverted back to being a baby at points where I couldn’t function without her support 24 hours a day. Our relationship has changed significantly since the year of my diagnosis. I was an angry, hormonal teenager that blamed anyone  and everyone for what I was going through. They say you take your hurt and anger out on those closest to you, those who mean the most. I most definitely did for more than 4 years, I put my mum through absolute hell but she was always there at the end of the day for a shoulder for me to cry on.

 

Being in a relationship whilst having cancer can be difficult and straining on both parts. Every couple’s story of cancer and how it affects them is completely unique and every couple will be at a different stage of togetherness (I’m sure that’s a word) during that time.

I feel like cancer can have an enormous strain on couples and relationships. People deal with it in different ways and some couples come out of the other side as a stronger unit, however for some it can mean the end of a relationship.

 

I don’t tend to openly talk about struggles that me and Dion have been through but for the importance of this post, there have been times during my treatment where we thought it’d take a miracle for us to make it to the other side and still together. Being so sick from the chemotherapy and feeling insecure and ugly from the weight loss, gain, hair loss, NG tubes, to name just a few, that many people including myself have to go through during treatment left Dion being unable to “fix me” and make things better, like he could if I was sad with a cuddle and a pep talk. The loss of control left him feeling inadequate and as if his best wasn’t good enough but I don’t think he realises that in actual fact everything he does is more than good enough whether it’s lifting me out of the bath when my legs get too tired, or making countless trips to the kitchen for me when I have a sudden crave for food that has to be fulfilled that second!

 

Our relationship is just different to that of a normal healthy couple. Since my recent diagnosis meals out followed by bowling have turned into a takeaway followed by him helping me out of the bath. No, that doesn’t mean that we’re always going to be this way but priorities, responsibilities and roles change and will continue to change throughout all of my treatment. We’re both 18 years old and should be going to parties, our only concerns being how to cure a hangover in the morning but instead were preparing for long days in hospital for my chemotherapy. Dion’s taken a lot off of my shoulders and placed them onto his. Little things like walking Nala, making the bed etc. Our lives are a little all over the place at the moment but it’s sort of an organised chaos.

 

Cancer and friendships are also very similar, especially for those having cancer at such a young age. When I was first diagnosed at the age of 11 none of my friends had ever heard of someone their own age with cancer and almost all of them were scared of saying the wrong thing. I vividly remember, one of my friends approaching me and asking me if I was going to die. That for me, was a new low. I was eleven years old and my friend thought I was going to die and as a result I thought I was going to die.

 

Throughout the past 6 years I have learnt that sometimes friends just don’t know how to deal with the fact they might lose me. Some friends have been consistent, never left my side or let me battle anything alone but others are just terrified of getting too close. This used to make me angry, how did they think I felt? Cancer didn’t/doesn’t define me, I am still me but all they can see is the cancer, and the illness. Fast forward to today, I understand that sometimes it’s just too difficult to get close. People cope in different ways and that’s okay but I wish they’d see that I’m the one living this hell and while they can pretend my illness doesn’t exist, or that I don’t exist it feels like I’m repeatedly being punched in the face by life.

 

This is the part where I’d like to share some other people’s thoughts and feelings. Some are cancer patients, others are loved ones but I have decided to keep all of their identities anonymous unless stated otherwise because sometimes writing about it can be a relief but then re-reading it and being spoken to about it can also bring back a rush of emotions not ready to be felt and people reaching out to them may not be something they’d appreciate at this moment in time.

 

 “I think cancer within a friendship brings you closer but also sets a fear to it, especially being so far away and not being able to physically do anything. There’s the fear of losing the person. Maybe it’s just me, having already lost one of my best friends but you don’t know what you need, to be an awful person and distance yourself in the chance what you’re seeing will hurt less but with that comes the guilt. Or the staying as you are and being there no matter what and just riding it out and praying everyday things will be okay. It’s brings out a love you didn’t know you had, and this warm feeling in your chest when you realise how proud of them you are. Cancer brings a roller coaster of emotions but you’ve just got to ride it.”  – Affected by a loved one with cancer.

“I realized who my real friends are in a situation like this.
My relationship with my boyfriend has actually been better but that’s just me.
I think what’s really important to have during treatment is an intimate relationship (not physical) with anyone but where you can talk about your biggest concerns and such.” – A cancer survivor.

“People telling me I’m an ‘inspiration’ and coming to me for ‘life advice’ like I’m the wise man who knows all. It gets kinda annoying, sadly I don’t spend as much time as I used to with the people who now do this, it’s not as if I want to be reminded of my experiences.” – A cancer survivor. 

“I think following a cancer diagnosis or relapse, your initial reaction is just an overwhelming fear and sadness, but then when you think about how they may be feeling and the newer statistics, the fear settles and it just becomes life as it was apart from the interruptions of hospital visits and chemo as the cancer diagnosis doesn’t change them, much as they may think it has not had it changed your opinions and over time, their worries become your worries. From constantly checking your phone on hospital visit days while nail bitingly waiting for the news to being at the end of the phone when they just need a pick up but along side the physical issues, as a friend you do have the mood swings, the slow replies, the deep and upsetting chats and you have a lot of motivational talks you will need to do but that’s just part of playing the role of a friend. You can’t physically aid them or cure them, but you can try to make a difference to their life by being there and supporting them and lifting them up when they thought nobody could. It kind of becomes your job.

Living so far away from Emma for me makes it more difficult as I constantly want to help and be there as I do for any of my friends, but when you hear that things are deteriorating or that Emma is not well, not being around the corner means I can’t just hop on the bus to her and can’t offer the support I would like to. However, when you do get good news or when a loved one finishes their treatment that sense of pride and love totally overwhelms the worries and tears. You learn to not take anything for granted and very milestone feels huge and filled with pride. However, when a diagnosis becomes declared “terminal” I personally still struggle to comprehend that. I struggle to look at Emma and think that she is unwell as her optimistic outlook and personality take over the bald head and physical weaknesses. Because of this, I don’t think that anyone can prepare to lose someone they love. I will admit, I have my moments like at Emma’s wedding, when I got home after a beautiful night, I just cried because despite how perfect it was, I don’t understand how someone so beautiful can be so poorly, it just doesn’t sit right. I know that it’s gonna be a struggle when the time does come for anybody, and there is the battle with yourself whether you stay by them and support as much as you can until the end, or do you back off and deal with the guilt of “did I do enough”. For me, I choose to stay and support to my fullest and deal with what comes after but I do think this struggle affects relationships in that” – Affected by a loved one with cancer. 

“I’m losing friends… through partly my fault because of things like refusing to go outside and chemo brain nuking my ability to remember things. Like, whOOPS I know I said I’d message you like three weeks ago but I forgot :/. Also relationships are hard because I get really unfortunately resentful of my friends with normal lives and like, they’re all moving forward and I’m stuck here. ugh. I feel kinda hopeless romantic relations wise ’cause I never had one before cancer and now I feel like 5000% less desirable, I guess.” – A cancer survivor. 

“People saying things like “you are faking… It’s not so hard your situation, you could be worse”, “if you died, can I have your computer?”, “Stop crying… Crying will not cure you”, “Ok, you are in pain, but there is nothing we can do!”, “That cancer is your fault…”

Some people don’t know how to deal with cancer or simply don’t have much patience…” – A cancer survivor.

“The day I moved house, I was in surgery having a squamous cell carcinoma removed from my nose.. I had a skin graft from my neck to cover it….

So the day I moved in with my partner… I had a huge dressing to my face and neck, his reaction wasn’t what I’d hoped for, and it was clear he wasn’t up for looking after me. First mention of cancer and he closed down… Lots of things went wrong, but this was the first. It was for the best in the long run…

My cancer wasn’t a threat to my life, I know it’ll come back, but it’s treatable as long as I keep an eye on it.” – A cancer survivor.

 “Obviously I wasn’t with her before her diagnosis, we were friends but not overly close. I don’t think our relationship was made any worse by the cancer, we were always a duo and the fact that she was fighting this horrible illness did not affect that. However, it is a huge strain to go through chemo and in our case a stem cell transplant together. She always used to tell me that chemo was equally bad for both of us as I dealt with her mood swings, tears and worst of all cravings!!

The hardest thing is to witness someone who you love with everything you have, being so ill in a hospital bed. To watch them wake up from a coma and repeatedly say your name until you’re there to make it all seem okay again. To watch them cry because “they’re ugly” as hair falls out during chemo, when you know how insanely beautiful they look with or without hair. For me, the cancer didn’t change anything. I love her more than anything, she’s been gone 8 months now and to me, nothing has changed apart from the fact I can’t physically hug her anymore.

I have two moments that stick out for me majorly. Once we were walking up a hill and I noticed how out of breath she was, so I offered to give her a piggy back and as soon as I picked her up, she collapsed into tears on my back because “she was so sick of being ill.” For me this was so heartbreaking because I honestly would’ve given anything to make her better, and all I could give was not enough.

Another moment that is really significant to me is when she told me that she wasn’t going to beat cancer. She had a type of cancer which she had always been told that she would survive, as the survival rates were so high, and until the end she was still expected to make it. But she knew deep down that she wouldn’t. I remember her sitting next to me and gripping my hand so tight. She told me that she could feel something in her lungs, she didn’t know what it was but she wasn’t going to get better. She told me not to panic, and most importantly not to tell anyone because she wasn’t planning on telling anyone else. That moment for me was utterly heart shattering, to know that the one person you love more than anything on earth isn’t going to be here anymore is just incomprehensible but the comfort I still receive from being her one person to tell everything to is so wonderful.

I’d do absolutely anything to have her back, I still speak to her every day and I write letters to her because I know how much she’d love to be updated on my life. Knowing when to move on is such a struggle right now but being happy and content with our memories is so important.

In answer to Emma’s question, cancer is a strain in any relationship. It provides a whole new perspective on life, but makes you so much stronger as a pair.” – Affected by a loved one with cancer. 

“I heard people talking behind my back “it can’t be real cancer, she didn’t get chemo” … I tried to explain that I have Chondrosarcoma and neither chemo nor radiation work… Only radical surgery.

A lot of people stopped talking to me but I guess that’s also kinda good because now I know who my true friends are” – A cancer survivor. 

“I came off treatment over 2 years before he did. When we met, I was a cancer survivor, and he was a cancer patient. We’re both survivors now, but I have so many side effects, that he often has to partner the boyfriend role and the carer role. I can’t imagine how straining that must be for him, and how much strength and patience it takes for him. But I’m eternally grateful for him, and his love and care. So in answer to your question Emma, cancer brings pain, tears and heartbreak in relationships, but in my case, it’s also the reason I found my partner. So I’m grateful for that.” – A cancer survivor and also affected by a loved one with cancer. 

“As a mum of a child with cancer it’s really difficult because all you want to do is protect your child but you feel like that right is taken away from you and it’s down to the consultant to make the choices about YOUR OWN child now.
I don’t like going to see the consultant because sometimes they give us some news that I may not like and it does really hurt. I feel like I’m no longer in control of my child and it’s a horrible feeling.
I also feel like it’s important to spend quality time with my other children too, as they know that I have no choice but to spend lots of time with my daughter in hospitals etc. So spending quality time with my other children is important so that they know they are just as special as their sister.” – A mother of someone affected by cancer.

 

All of the views in quotation marks are views of others and not that of my own, I hope that you enjoyed my latest blog post and that it helped you in some kind of way. This post has been a long one, and usually I’d apologise but I  feel like this subject is important to talk about because it can be hard to see that every part of life is affected by cancer.

 

Thank you to everyone who kindly shared their thoughts and allowed me to include them in my post, in doing so you’re helping so many people understand the importance of relationships and support during cancer.

 

Love always,

 

Emma Xx"

Off to the races...

Blog post from Hannah - https://aworthwhileadventure.wordpress.com/

 

"My second round of Chemotherapy has been increasingly worse than my first. Saying this however, I’m still not complaining. I’m aware of how much worse I could be with vomiting and hair loss which I’ve been lucky to avoid so far during my cancer journey. Nevertheless, this round has been more intense and I’m guessing that is perfectly normal and that Chemo is sort of like a game in the sense that each Round will get more and more difficult with more bad guys to face. Due to the increase in side effects this time round, I’ve fell behind with blog posts. I’ve not felt up to sitting at my Mac and writing something that I can read back and not cringe at, till now. Theres simply loads to catch up on, but at the same time, I don’t want to make the update too long so it may not be in as much detail as I’d like it to be, but you will all get the gist of what I’ve been up to.

Last time I ‘spoke’, I did so in the form of a video blog which was something new for me but I quite enjoyed being able to explain verbally rather than having to think of the words to type. The side effects in which I mentioned took longer to wear off, around 5-6 days rather than the 3 days on the first round. In addition to the numb sensation in my fingers and feet and the closed over throat, becoming breathless and tired has become a problem, so much so when I went shopping in the week with my family, I ended up having to have a motorised scooter… Not that I’m complaining!

 

I’ve also got my ulcers again and they’re back with a vengeance. I don’t know at the moment how to get them under control despite having gelclair, difflam mouthwash and spray, bonjela and aspirin wash. This leaves me with the 4 days I have off chemo, where I could potentially eat anything, not being able to eat much at all because of the pain the ulcers put me in. Apart from this however, I’ve only had two bad episodes one of which I had to leave a family meal for my granddads 80th for fear of being sick and then another where I was in severe pain with my stoma due to the Chemotherapy.

Now, despite the blog post so far only mentioning my side effects, this does not mean by any means that this is my life. In fact, I’ve been very successful in ensuring this is just a part of my life rather than a dominating factor. I’ve been doing as much ‘normal’ things as possible, and by normal, I mean things people without cancer wouldn’t think twice about doing, such as nipping the shop, getting your nails done or going out for tea. I’ve been out for tea numerous times and even had a night out on the karaoke at the weekend. But if anyone has my personal Facebook, they’ll know that the biggest part of the past week was definitely being invited to Manor House Stables for a private tour and Chester Racecourse by Michael Owen. My Clic Sargent Social Worker Jane got in touch with me two weeks ago about this opportunity and I was ecstatic. Michael had been my favourite player for Liverpool when I was young, so much so I even had shirts with his number on the back for when they played. It took us a fair while to drive to the Manor House Stables in Cheshire where we had been invited for a morning tour of Michaels stables, which hold 96 professional race horses trained by Tom Dascombe. I’ve always had an interest in horses, one that evolved into horse racing after working at this years Grand National so I was more than excited to see the behind the scenes. We met some amazing horses, some we had even heard of and got an insight into how they’re trained and what makes them a great racehorse. We also got access to the owners lounge which had absolutely stunning views of the land they opened and held some treasures of past race wins. Just before we left to go and get ready for the evening we got to watch the horses on their gallop, which was both exhilerating and interesting to watch, leaving me with plenty of videos of these powerful horses. The Tour then came to an end, just in time for my chemotherapy so we enjoyed a nice lunch at a harvester. The afternoon gave me a much needed rest before the big night at the races, which was more than I would have ever imagined. Not only did we get access to the races but we were in our own private festival chalet… Shared with Michael Owen! We were given a full hospitality package, including food and when walking out our chalet, the final furlong was to the right of us. The night was filled with betting and laughter as me, my boyfriend and parents fully enjoyed the racing atmosphere together. I enjoyed myself that much I didn’t once feel pained or exhausted, even after running to get a good spot to watch the race! This was certainly something I will never forget and quite possibly, without Clic Sargent and everyone at Manor House Stables, I wouldnt have been able to experience.

After the excitement of the weekend I then also went out Saturday night with my mum, dad and grandad to the local karaoke which again, I enjoyed so much I wasn’t pained. I’ve always enjoyed singing, whether I hold any talent or not and really loved the atmosphere, I was even dancing at one point. However, shortly after we got home, I was left with what could be described as rather excruciating pain from bowel movement in my stoma. I guess, because of how they’ve moved things around inside, this is perfectly normal but that didn’t mean it didn’t scare me. Overall, it’s been a good week and I’ve been able to push the side effects aside, now I’m just tackling to not let my ulcers interrupt me although I’m not really succeeding as they are definitely causing difficulty eating. Hopefully this time though, it won’t take me too long to write my next blog post and I’ll possibly even write one when I’m in clatter bridge on Friday."

 

 

Take a look at teen Jayde's full blog here - http://alittletouchofhope.blogspot.co.uk/

 

"Hellooo my beauties! 

So, I uploaded a blog post a few months ago now, updating people people on how my cancer journey was going. 
When I wrote that post, I said that last year I had been in intensive care a couple of times with Neutropenic Sepsis, I was very very unwell both times. The chemotherapy that I was on was way too strong for my body and my kidneys. My kidneys are very weak as it is and the chemo was just making me a whole lot worse. If you want to know what I updated you on in this post, then you can read that here: 

So basically, I'm writing this post because there is something else that I need to update you on. I have kept something to myself and between my family and close friends for a good few months now. 

In February, I got some bad news. I know a lot of you know that, but you don't know specifically what has happened. 
I had an MRI on the 11th February after my second course of chemotherapy. I got the results a few days later on the 15th February. My consultant told me and my Mum that one of my three tumours has grown. She also went on to tell me that apart from the chemo that I had already been on called Etoposide, she will not be putting me on any other types of chemotherapy as my kidneys are too weak to be able to handle any stronger/any other types of chemo now. I was given the choice of having a break from chemotherapy mentally and physically for a couple of months, to be able to give my body a break too. Or to carry on with the Etoposide in the hope that it will keep my tumours stable for longer and prolong my life. 
I didn't take my consultant's offer up on having a break as I was scared about my tumours getting any bigger. So during this appointment I decided that I would go back on the Etoposide for another course of chemotherapy. I done well on this chemo but I had to stop taking it five days early (when normally I would be taking it for three weeks) because my blood counts had already dropped too low again. 
I also asked my consultant about being put forward for a trial, so she said that she would speak to the trial development team. I know that I shouldn't have, but I think I set my heart on it too much, hoping that something could be done to make me even a little bit better. Unfortunately she called me the next day to say that I couldn't be put forward for any trials as my kidney function is too low to meet the criteria. 
This broke my heart as I know that there isn't much in regards to treatment that they can do for me anymore. 

From the end of my chemotherapy, up until my last appointment I had with my consultant which was on the 29th April. I've had over two months off of chemotherapy because my bloods have really struggled to come up. From my blood test that I had yesterday last week, some parts of my blood test are still low. 

For a few weeks prior to my appointment with my consultant on the 29th April, I had been worrying that one of my tumours (that currently sticks out of my chest) has grown and the skin had changed colour. At my appointment, my consultant felt my tumour and said that she could tell that it had a bit bigger. There is also a lump pretty near to this tumour in my chest and it has been there for a good few weeks. I can also feel that it is there, if you understand? For example, when I move my left shoulder or neck, I can feel it. Where as with my tumours, I can't feel that they are there apart from the one in my chest that I can touch on the outside, obviously. Its so hard to explain unless you're a cancer patient and understand what I mean. So I'm worried that either one of my tumours has grown in my chest, or its a whole new tumour. I was meant to start chemo the day of this appointment but my consultant said that if its not been helping and if one of my tumours has grown or a new one has formed, then there is no point in starting the Etoposide again when it obviously isn't working, my blood counts are struggling to come up and it could be making my body and kidneys even weaker than they already are. 

I also received a letter from my GP last week that my consultant had sent him, and as part of that letter my consultant said "Clinically I think the disease in the anterior chest wall is progressing. For this reason and because Jess is not really tolerating the Etoposide well, I do not feel there is any point in pursuing this at the moment." ANY POINT? She doesn't feel there's any point in pursuing this? Before she even has the results back from my MRI that I had today? Its absolutely AWFUL. How am I meant to be positive and have any bloody hope when I feel like my consultant is just basically giving up on me before I've even given up myself? I'm pretty sure thats meant to be the other way round.

The surgeon that done my operation to remove my tumour, collarbone and my first & second rib etc in 2014 has said to my consultant that it is too dangerous to do another operation to remove anything around the area of where he did last time because it was so close to my nerves for my left arm, my jugular, blood vessels etc. Especially as I have two tumours in my chest and another one on the lining of my left lung. It would have been too big of an operation to operate in the same place for the second time, and try to remove a tumour from my left lung. This would have been the ideal thing to do, but like I said, it is way too dangerous and such a huge risk to go through for the second time. I also can't have radiotherapy as I have already had it in the same place before in 2011. Then like I mentioned earlier, my consultant said that I can't go on any chemotherapy anymore as my kidneys and body are too weak (The only chemo I could have gone on would have been the Etoposide as I was on a reduced dose and it wouldn't have effected my kidneys as much as any other chemo - But even the Etoposide may not be working anymore.) 

I am just praying that my tumour hasn't grown and another tumour hasn't formed. If they haven't, then I am praying that my consultant will allow me to go back on the Etoposide if she thinks that my body can still handle it. In the hope that it will keep my tumours stable for longer. But as of right now, my treatment has been stopped. 

Any treatment that I have been having has been just to keep my tumours stable and try to prolong my life. It is heart breaking that I won't beat cancer for the third time or even be around forever, nothing upsets me as much as the thought of that. But as long as I make an impact on as many lives as possible and help & inspire people whilst I'm still alive, plus make incredible memories with my family and close friends that can be treasured forever, then that is what is important.
 

 

This is why I have started putting together my bucket list. I would love to achieve as many of my goals and dreams that I have as possible. Spending every minute I can making as many memories as possible with my family and close friends, that is so important to myself, my family and close friends right now.
It would mean so much to us if you could kindly donate as much or as little as you can to my GoFundMe page to go towards my bucket list. Any donation means the entire world to me, especially because of my recent news. So please donate if possible and share my GoFundMe page on all of your social networking sites: gofundme.com/ttp246xg

Whilst I was at Centre Parcs from the 6th May - 9th May, I had some photos taken in my 'Bore Off Cancer' t-shirt from @boreoff on Twitter, which are the photos that I have put in this blog post. So with my cancer being an absolute pain in the arse at the moment, I thought that I would include some of my favourite photos from this photoshoot that I had done with my friend Rhiannon into this blog post! You can purchase the t-shirt that I am wearing in the photos and so many more items from Bore Off's website: boreoff.com. An amazing £5 of every sale will be donated to Macmillan Cancer Support!


Now, I just want to say thank you so, so much to Carole and Jennie, two friends of mine (who have now become family) who set up the GoFundMe page to collect funds for my bucket list in order for me to be able to start ticking off goals and dreams of mine. Plus to be able to make some AMAZING memories with my family and close friends that can be treasured forever. You two ladies are amazing, please never forget that! I will never ever be able to thank you enough for everything that you have done for me, it is just incredible. 

I also want to say thank you to everybody that has donated to my GoFundMe page to go towards my bucket list or even shared the page on any of their social media sites. It means an incredible amount to me and if it wasn't for you guys, I wouldn't even be able to think about ticking anything off of my bucket list! You all mean more to me than you will ever know, and I could not EVER thank you all enough for your ongoing love and support. Plus being behind me 110% of the time and pushing me on, even when sometimes I don't even believe in myself! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Always.

I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for not uploading to my blog or YouTube channel recently, I just haven't had the time to either write a blog post (as they can take me days) or film a video and edit it (again, that can take me days too). I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things with my blog and YouTube channel as soon as I possibly can as I'm so desperate too. I'm sure you all understand and I'm so thankful for you all being so patient with me. 

I have many appointments everyday this week. I had an MRI today (16th May) and I will be getting the results from this in a couple of days so please pray for me that the results goes well. Another appointment that I have this week is with a new consultant at a new hospital in London, so I'm just praying that he knows of something that can be done. So please keep everything crossed for me. I'm just praying for a miracle right now. 

If you do know of any kind of treatments or anything else that I could try that could keep my cancer (Ewing Sarcoma) at bay for longer and prolong my life, or know of any good consultants at any different hospitals whether that be in the UK or abroad, PLEASE please either leave a comment down below in the comment section and I will reply as soon as possible or if you would like to speak to me about it privately then just message me on Twitter, Facebook or on my Instagram and again, I will get back to you as soon as I can. We are desperate to just find SOMETHING that may be able to help, I'm sure you can imagine just how scared we all are right now. You can also email me at jaydeallenenquiries@hotmail.co.uk (about further treatments for my cancer only please, unless it is a booking, any other enquiry or something to do with my bucket list.) 

Thank you so, so much for reading this guys. I know it is a really long update but so much has been going on recently and I wanted to keep you all up to date as people have been asking and I know a lot of you are worried, you are amazing with supporting me through this so I know that you will carry on doing just that. I'm just trying to keep as positive as possible right now! 

I'm so determined to keep fighting, I will fight as hard as I can until my very last breath, always. I will do anything to get better, I WILL get better - No matter what the doctors say. 

Positivity, always. Right? :) 

Thank you for everything. Your support, being behind me and pushing me forward etc, everything. Thank you for EVERYTHING. 
You are all amazing human beings, remember that. 

Until next time my lovelies, 
So much love, always
Jayde x"

 

Teen Kirushni talks about her "Discover You" experience

 

Visit Kirushni's full blog here - http://kirushniscancerstory.blogspot.co.uk/

"Hi everyone! Hope you're all well!

I know its been a while since my last blog post, but I have been so busy with work and exams which I have finally finished! I am so proud of myself for pulling through first year of my course and overcoming through leaps and bounds that I have faced this year with a new change to my life of balancing working and studying a degree at the same time. 

I am so looking forward to spending the rest of my summer, relaxing and enjoying it with my friends and family. In todays post I thought I would share an amazing event called 'Discover You' ,I attended on 25th June in London hosted by a Teens Unite. A charity very close to my heart and have mentioned several times in my blog previously.
 

 Discover You was an empowering and motivational event to remind us young people who have or had cancer that our lives do not stop because we have had cancer. It was a fun and energetic day, which included motivational speeches, massages, yoga session and the best part meeting and reuniting with other young people.  As you all can imagine  having cancer was a very distressing and emotional period of my life, where as a teenager I was just finding myself who I am and just beginning to fit into secondary school  but suddenly it is ten times harder as you have a life threatening illness to deal with which puts everything on hold. It is so easy to forget when you are in remission  that you are still 'normal', what discover you reminded me was I am still me, I am still the same Kirushni with goals and aspirations but has come the other side by kicking cancer  One of the motivational speaker, Chris Lambert-Gorwyn, also a cancer survivor said in his speech ' Cancer is the best thing that has happened to him , I totally agree with him there, having cancer has made me the person I am today, given me the privilege to meet so many amazing other inspiring people and in fact inspired me to pursue a career with working with patients.

 

Another inspiring motivational speaker at the event, Cliff Findley, gave a speech about having positive mind-set in order to achieve your goals in life and how to take small steps in order to achieve them. Personally I am one of those people who says I want to do this and that but never know how to go about doing it and end up achieving it, since meeting Cliff last summer and hearing his speeches I am become more proactive in how to go out there and ace my aspirations. I just want to give a massive shout out to Cliff who is one incredible guy who has helped me so much these past few months when I was going through a rocky stage but gave me the motivation to kick on and never give up.

Overall it was one incredible day, and I cannot express how I came out feeling so inspired and positive about life in general. It's amazing how an event like this can bring so many young people together and have the chance to share your story as well as hear other peoples inspiring story and their goals and aspirations. I would like to say a massive thank you to Teens unite for organising Discover You, I had the best day ever.

Finally before I end this post, I would like to share with you guys a Beyoncé quote I live by:' I'm keep running cause a winner don't quit on themselves'.

P.S I am going to see Beyoncé on Saturday and I am so so excited, I am been waiting for this day forever!

Thank you for reading,

Kirushni

xxx"